you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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