Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
