i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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