Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
