so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He better not be in your backpack
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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