I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She is in my trunk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's never too late to be topless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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