Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
