apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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