The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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