I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
