I'm lost and stupid without you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
