She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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