I'm gonna have a badass scar
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
