I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
