So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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