He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
