Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
