i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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