I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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