Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize