So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
