I hate all girls vehemently.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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