Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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