omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
