HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
