i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am available for nakedness
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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