I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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