You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
