i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
