physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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