2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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