do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
