If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
