Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
