i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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