Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
