Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
