drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
