Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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