Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
