he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
