i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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