i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
