I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
