My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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