Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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