Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
