I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
