...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
