Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
