i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
