He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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