Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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