i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
