Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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