I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
