Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
