I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
