well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
