I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
