You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
