you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
