I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
