found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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