his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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