it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
