Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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