Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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