if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
