I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
