someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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