she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We left the knife in your bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
