literally had 100 drinks last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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