Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
