We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I faked an abortion last night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
