never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
