WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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