so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
