I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
