I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
