i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
