i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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