At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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