I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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