My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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