Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
