OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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